Five Reasons Your Article About Wrestling Sucks

This weekend I was going through the Sparks on my Google+ and came across this article that is one of the shittiest articles about wrestling I’ve ever read. Keep in mind, this article is from an actual journalist. I can’t. They should be fired. And he has a show where he talks about RAW? Fuck life!

Five reasons grown men love wrestling? How about 5 reasons why your article absolutely sucks!

1. Condescending To Wrestling Fans

Professional wrestling is a soap opera with violence. But what makes it so popular, even with grown men?

As opposed to? Let me point this out…this is a dumb premise for an article. The investigating itself is flawed. The assumption is that adult men shouldn’t be watching wrestling…and yet they do. OH NO! LET’S FIGURE OUT WHY! You can’t look at it that way and be, ya know…a journalist.

It’s condescending, and if the author, Lucas Timmons is actually a fan…then he should show respect to other fans. This is something I see a lot with fans and non-fans alike. Even fans will talk to each other in the condescending tone as if we’re all stupid and can’t make up our own minds about something pertaining to wrestling. Like some twisted form of self-hatred. We are all smart people, we don’t have to talk down to each other.

Fans know their cues and the heroes and villains make it obvious who to cheer for and who to hate. Fans boo the over-muscled jerk and identify with the everyman.

Again. Condescending. Maybe you’ve never been to a show! Let me explain how the chants work. Yes, some are cues…when The Rock says,

“If ya smeeeeeeeeell…”

We know to finish the phrase with him,

“…what The Rock is cookin’!”

But most chants don’t work that way. For example, the Stone Cold Steve Austin “WHAT?” chant is still used even when Stone Cold isn’t at the show. What will happen is a wrestler will be cutting a promo and get on a diatribe, generally a heel bitching about something being unfair. A few people in the crowd will start to yell “WHAT?” at the end of every sentence. Those around them will hear it and start doing the same…people around those people will hear and so on and so on…

To make it sound as if, again, we’re too stupid to know when to chant and who to chant for so it has to be fed to us is untrue and only serves to feed the stereotype that wrestling fans are dumb! WE. ARE. NOT. STUPID.

There’s a reason we chant for CM Punk, Christian and Mark Henry (much to my horror…) even though they’re heels. It’s because they’re bad ass. They’re good at what they do (Mark Henry is good at throwing things and looking intimidating, let’s be fair). We chant for what’s good and boo what’s bad, generally. For the most part the fans decide what is chanted when…not the fed. All they can do is try to influence. It doesn’t always work.

2. Forgetting The Female Fans
According to WWE’s corporate website 36 % of the people watching wrestling are women. If over a quarter of wrestling fans are women, or at least watching WWE…the actual number is probably higher…why is this article singling out men? I have at least 4 blogs on my blogroll that are run by women! We’re the ones don’t a lot of the blogging! We’re not the one’s getting paid…which is a whole other issue for another time. Does Lucas Timmons not read wrestling blogs? How you gonna write about wrestling fans and you aren’t reading the things we’re saying about it?! GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE! What? Did you get your journalism degree from Fox News?!

Why are women watching wrestling, that’s obviously catered to men, instead of or in addition too the soap operas like General Hospital (Jason FTMFW!) that are catered to women? Maybe your article should have been about that. That’s at least an interesting spin on the old “Why Do People Watch Wrestling” idea.

Ya know what? I’m gonna write a blog about that. How much does Mr. Timmons get paid per article? Think I could get that? Well, .70 cents less per dollar and even less if I was a woman of color. But, who the fuck’s counting…

3. Lack of Research

Stone Cold Steven Austin used his name to define his attitude. Playing a born-again Christian character, he won the 1996 King of the Ring tournament.

That’s not…no. That’s not what happened. Let me, the stupid female wrestling fan educate your ass!

Jake The Snake had the born-again Christian gimmick, sir. I looked at fucking Wikipedia and found out the gimmick was a mirror of his real life…since Jake Roberts was preaching around the country at the time. The author can’t even look at Wikipedia?!

4. Devestating Typos

Stone Cold Steven Austin

Sir…you can’t do that. Stone Cold Steve Austin is one of the most influential men in our business. You’re a fan. You can’t fuck up his name and then publish it. You just can’t.

I’m assuming it was a typo. Maybe you type “Steven” a lot or you are close to someone named “Steven” and you worked off of muscle memory. That happens to all of us…

But you didn’t proofread it? No one proofread this shit?! I mean, I make typos all the time…but if it’s something important you make sure you don’t have any. This is an article you wrote. You’re a journalist. Sigh.

5. You’re Canadian

Ha! Just kidding! Seriously, I don’t know any Canadians but your country sounds pretty awesome. And you gave us some great wrestling, and Degrassi, and lots of funny jokes on South Park. So we’re cool, Canada.

You forgot Chris Benoit and Christian in your list of influential Canadian wrestlers though. Poor Christian, everyone always forgets about him. Though given the quality of this article if I were him I wouldn’t want to be associated.

P.S. – I know I haven’t been around a lot! My Grandfather got sick and he’s not doing well. So I’ve been back home helping to take care of him and I haven’t had the time or energy to write. A barely watched RAW last week. I’m trying to get back on the blogging horse…but things are touch and go with Pappy right now, so I might be writing a little sporadically. Thank you for your patience and loyalty! You’re AWWWWWWWWESOME!


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