Vulgar’s Rules Of Wrestling: Talent

I think that in order to make it in the biz…you need to have some sort of talent. I mean, obviously, right? For me personally to like a wrestler he has to have at least one of these two things. Most important:

Wrestling Ability

I rank wrestling ability by how many “brawler” type moves they use their matches. To me this is fake-fighting and not so much wrestling. Most of the Main Eventers historically have had this sort of style. Hogan, Stone Cold, The Rock, Cena, Andre The Giant, Big Show, Mark Henry, Undertaker, Kane, most of the Divas, etc.

I don’t find this that entertaining. Not a big fan of brawlers.

People I feel have good wrestling ability, more versatile styles I find to be very entertaining. These people don’t need to talk, they just need to go out there and do what they do best. I need to hear no words because they’re making up for it. These are the high-flyers, the technical wrestlers like Benoit, Angle, Macho Man, Malenko, Blackman, Mysterio, Edge, Christian, The Hardyz, Lita, Beth Phoenix,  CM Punk, Kofi, HBK etc.

Now, if you insist on being a brawler, then you have to have this:

 

Mic Skills

Seriously. You’re gonna have to entertain me somehow! There’s nothing worse for me than having a wrestler get on the mic who can’t cut an entertaining promo. Fuck all that. Ridiculous. Either you’re wrestling or talking. If you can do both…kick ass! But, you have to be entertaining–because you sure as fuck ain’t doing it with your matches!

Wrestlers like this are The Rock, Stone Cold, HHH, Hogan. Not great wrestlers, but good on the mic. They’re able to set a scene, tell a story, talk shit. That’s very important in professional wrestling. You have to sell the fued. Some people can do with with their bodies…and some have a rely on the mic. I’m a minority I’m sure, but I could give a fuck about seeing any of those men up there wrestle again. Just talk to me, baby.

I want The Rock to come out and cut a 2 hour promo…I’d be good! No match needed! LOL, that would be a stupid thing to do, but I don’t need the wrestling if you can cut a promo just like I don’t need the talking if you can wrestle.

 

Entertainers

To me, true entertainers in the business can do both. These are people who are charismatic, their matches are engaging, their promos live you in stunned silence. They have it all. I think these have been very few and far between in the wrestling business. Certainly Macho Man is one…but who else? I think CM Punk qualifies, Shawn Michaels, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Rowdy Roddy Piper perhaps, Kurt Angle, Edge and William Regal…who has never gotten near the credit worthy of his talent.

We fans just want to be entertained. Remember that night when The Rock came back last February and just talked for like 15 minutes? He had our rapt attention, because that’s what he does. He’s good. He’s damn good. The “I Quit” Match with Foley? Little wrestling, lots of props…but it told a story. The Rock even talks trash while he’s wrestling. It’s keeps you entertained even though you aren’t seeing moves with a high degree of difficulty.

Austin is a legend because he can tell a damn story. He can sell a gimmick. He can sell a feud. He’s unique because he doesn’t act with his body as much in the ring as he does out of it. The stomp down to the ring, attacking Booker T in the grocery store, McMahon in the hospital, the beer truck, pouring cement in McMahon’s car. It’s a promo w/o words. It’s adding to the narrative. Jake The Snake did a lot of that same thing too…letting his snake take the spotlight and in a way cut promos for him, furthering his heel status.

These people are entertainers, and I think there’s a difference between being a wrestler, or cutting a promo, and truly being an entertainer. The goal of WWE, in my opinion, should be to get as many people to entertainer status as possible. Work with them, teach them, get rid of them if they can’t cut it. WWE should be, as Macho said, the “cream of the crop.”

 

 

Get entertaining or get the fuck out.

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One thought on “Vulgar’s Rules Of Wrestling: Talent

  1. Roddy Piper is without a doubt one of the greatest of all-time. I know he does a lot of ‘brawling’ moves but he’s completely old-school and represents what wrestling SHOULD be. He knows how to sell any match he’s involved in and it’s a lost art-form. He could get a crowd red hot before even locking up, which is something today’s stars don’t have a clue about since they’re fed a script.

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