When I open my mailbox, like most people, there are things I immediately throw away. Credit card applications, sales papers, Maxim magazine…
I don’t know why we get Maxim magazine. My Mother-in-Law signed us up for it. I assume it’s because my fiance likes cars. No, seriously. He will ignore the models and read the car profiles.
Yesterday when I picked it up and went to throw it away—there was Kelly Kelly on the front cover! I had forgotten about it since I totally tuned out during the cover reveal last week. I decided to keep it because I’d probably get a good post out of the article.
Sure enough! Here I am!
First thing about this article:
I’m sure glad she quit her day job because apparently she can only make one face! Though it’s obvious a giant ass fan was blowing in said face, so maybe that’s why. Maybe Shoot Directors should stop blowing giant fucking fans in our faces if they still expect us to have pleasant expressions. Guess what? Giant gusts of air blowing right in your eyes? Not pleasant.
Then, we get to the actual article, which I have so many issues with! First of all, the poor woman has a boyfriend who she had to show videos of her wrestling before he would believe she was a wrestler because she didn’t look like one! Apparently he’s not a wrestling fan, because she totally looks like a female wrestler these days! She’s the norm, y’all. She’s the norm. All models!
So, automatically a big “Fuck you!” to the boyfriend. Just because someone is a model, or looks like a model doesn’t mean they can’t do badass things too. Now, whether she does it well is debatable, I suppose, but you don’t assume things like that and you certainly don’t ask for proof that someone doesn’t fit your stereotype.
This leads to my second issue. We learn in the article that she was scouted by WWE and asked if she wanted to go to school to be a wrestler. She had been a fan, so she jumped at the chance. It wasn’t her passion to begin with…she didn’t want it like so many female wrestlers want it. She said she worked her butt off. But, she basically had this opportunity handed to her, unlike so many female wrestlers who have worked their butts off for decades and never made it farther than the local feds!
This means WWE is specifically scouting models though. Which is just…what the fuck? All these women in indie feds…many very beautiful. But no, they get bypassed for models who don’t know anything about the business.
Also, apparently she got her “big break” when Vince asked her to be on TV soon after she started training…as a dancer. She said,
“Anything to get my foot in the door.”
Women should never have to feel as if we have to play to stereotypes and sexual roles in order to be successful. And we should certainly never be asked by men to do so! Was it either Kelly dances or she loses favor as not being a team player and therefore loses TV time? I would hazard a guess that’s probably the case. But, often this is our lives—women’s lives. Especially in male-dominated fields, which is just about any highly-sought after occupation where a person can actually make a lot of money and achieve a lot of success.
So yeah, livid about that. LIVID.
Then, we get to the part where my jaw-dropped and I just sat there shaking my head for a good couple of minutes.
Are you ready? Sitting down, right? Seriously…prepare yourself.
For readers who don’t know what the Stink Face is, please elaborate.
I put my shorts up my butt and stick it in my opponent’s face. I think it’s the best move. I got it from this old wrestler Rafiki, who used to do it in a diaper. It was so obnoxious.
Let that sit there. Just go with it…
At what point did your brain explode? I made it about 20 seconds. Then I read it over several more times to make sure I was reading right.
There’s a couple of explanations for this.
1. Kelly Kelly thinks Rikishi is called Rafiki. I refuse to believe this. I can not believe any wrestler would fuck up this utterly. I refuse to believe anyone is that ridiculous to not know a person who paved the way for them to steal that person’s move.
2. The guys who wrote this article are not fans and didn’t know she said “Rikishi.” And apparently they didn’t bother to fact-check it after the fact either!
I cannot even. What is this fuckery, Maxim? Get it togeter and fact-check your shit! Or, ya know, ask Kelly Kelly to repeat what she said…how to spell it…
There’s no way on earth making an error like that could be ok! Rafiki is the monkey from The Lion King, you fucks. Rikishi is a wrestler from the Attitude Era and part of the great Samoan tradition in wrestling. Why in the fuck did you have guys covering this article with a fucking WRESTLER who were not wrestling fans. Seriously, Maxim?!
Oh! I know why! Pick me! Pick me!
As suspected, no one really gives a fuck that she’s a wrestler. It was never about her being a wrestler. It’s just that she’s got a pretty face.
And that, my friends, is the entire problem with Women’s Wrestling in the WWE.