Basic Thuganomics Still Beats Tired Promos

Rock wanted me to write his song tonight, but I would never be his mouthpiece. ‘Cause Rock’s like Lebron James, he took his talent straight down to South Beach. And for the past few weeks, Rock’s been legitimately pissed. If you get stuck singin’ your song tonight, Rock–it’s all in the wrist.

Could we please have a week where you don’t come out here and choke? You may be GI Joe this Summer, right now you’re a GI Joke. Ever since I opened my mouth about you, you’ve been begging me to back off, so if Rock and Dwayne are the same person I think y’all both are jackoffs. And after April 1st, you won’t be makin’ no more movies. You’re gonna need surgery on your face just like you had it on your boobies. Those poppin’ pecs? They had more work than a locker room full of Divas. I got a gift for Rock tonight–I’m gonna give him a Cleveland steamer.

#TeamBringIt? He’s #TeamLostIt and the truth is gettin’ scary, ’cause they weren’t chanting “Rocky!” last week, they were chantin’ “Toothfairy!”

Keep makin’ fun of this fruity pebble, Rock, ’cause I ain’t even close to sick of it. I’m Mr. Kung Pao Chicken, you’re just Miami Fried Chickenshit. And no, no I don’t have balls, but I got somethin’ in their place–I’m gonna beat your ass at Wrestlemania and put my nuts dead in your face!

The best promo I’ve seen from Cena in the past 3 or 4 years. It managed to be funny and real–complete shit talking. This is what I want in a promo. Attitude, grit, emotion, humor, truth. Everything at once! The Rock was putting down grown men being fans of Cena. Man, grown men were all “Ooooooooooooh shit!” during Cena’s promo. That’s called appreciating talent. So, a put down there doesn’t really work.

In fact, none of The Rock’s promo really worked. It was the same promo he’s been giving week after week–this time in song-form. I don’t even know why he would come out and again think this was ok. The only real difference was that this week he called his penis “Holy Moses.” Listen. No Red Seas are parting for that shit. I know Moses carried a staff, but ya know…he used it to do ten different plagues…and not the same old tired ones! JUST SAYIN’!

For the past month, the entire time Dwayne Johnson has been back on TV every week, Cena has been killing it with the promos. Not only do I think they’re better than Dwayne’s, but they’re the best part of the show most of the time. Which is just…I mean, I knew Cena had this in him. So glad they are letting him exhibit a little more and be more than just Boy Scout SuperCena.

More and more every week I see fans, fans that were hardcore The Rock fans, saying they’re supporting Cena at Wrestlemania…which is incredible. The Rock is the most popular wrestler and WWE Superstar of all time. Bar none. Austin comes a close second, but The Rock is certainly more well-known. Even if you have never watched wrestling, even if you aren’t really a fan of wrestling–you know who The Rock is, and you like him. For people to be turning on the character because of these horrible promos and lying to the fans over and over…

Cena doesn’t do that. Cena’s promos…bad or good…are always fresh. He is always there. He’s not lying to his. You can put on all the charm and say all the “I have a passion for wrestling”‘s you want…but actions speak louder than words. Cena is always giving us all he has. And because of that, right now Cena is at a turning point in his career. If WWE plays this right and allows him to continue what he’s doing…he could be a star to contend with Austin the Rock. Don’t force Cena on us…but let his actions speak for themselves. Let him have free reign for his promos. Let him be amazing. There are no limits (Except his wrestling ability…but that has never mattered to WWE, so whatevs!).

When The Rock came back for that one night February of 2011…that 15 minute promo was amazing and put every guy in the locker room to shame! But in one years time…I can’t even understand what has happened.

We don’t have The Rock anymore. We have Dwayne Johnson playing Dwayne Johnson. Which, hello! He’s an actor! A legitimate actor! I don’t understand! WHAT IS THIS?!

Maybe that’s it though. Maybe Dwayne Johnson has forgotten how to play The Rock. I don’t think he can differentiate between himself and his character. The Rock is a character that Dwayne Johnson plays…they are not even remotely the same thing! The Rock may be an extension of Dwayne’s personality…a hyped up version–but they aren’t the same.

The crap that he’s putting out right now is really hurting his legacy. I understand that WWE wants to make money, but they’ve got to stop putting him on last until he fucking gets it together. That horrible promo is the last thing people are gonna take away from the show. Even if you muck around a little bit in the middle–you have to at least start strong and finish strong. Right now, Dwayne is giving mid-card level promos AT BEST!

It’s insane. I don’t know what’s going on–maybe he just doesn’t have the time to come up with fresh stuff right now. But…this is not gonna cut it.

It makes me really sad, and I know I’m not the only one. We can’t defend The Rock anymore. This subpar bullshit from a person of his caliber and talent is not ok. If he’s not going to give us his all…consistently not give us his all…why should we continue to support him? The thought literally hurts my heart, and I can’t be a fan of this 2012 The Rock. I’ll have to stick to the Attitude Era one.

Reinventing himself is fine…but I don’t think that’s what this is. The Rock never smiled. The Rock wasn’t charming. The Rock was insulting, arrogant, funny, and electricifying! I don’t even know what this is…Dwrock? But, it’s not even that. None of what The Rock always was is still present except the insults…and they’re the same ones every week! The Rock may have had catchphrases…but the promos were always fresh. Some had recurring themes…but not always the same!

If this is what The Rock is going to be…it just isn’t The Rock anymore.

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2 thoughts on “Basic Thuganomics Still Beats Tired Promos

  1. What I don’t understand… People are finally realizing the Rock hasn’t been very good at all…but no one’s asking, “was he not that good back then and we just didn’t realize it?”

    He’s doing the exact same thing he’s always done, to be honest. Catch phrases, juvenile humor, repeating everything… The reason he’s so ‘quick’ on the mic is because he buys himself time, repeating a lot of his lines.

    Also, I have to wonder if he had cue cards ‘back in the day,’ or if the cue card/scripts are a total work today, to ensure an extremely split crowd. I think the entire purpose is to get more people behind Cena, so that he’s more over than ever after Mania. Maybe it’s far-fetched, I dunno.

    One thing we can easily agree on, though, is that Rock’s been doing his worst work this year, period. The ‘Rock Concert’ was painful to watch and I think I chuckled once. Not funny.

  2. No one asking that because he WAS good back then. However, it was a different time where jokes putting down groups of people was more tolerated than it is now, for one thing. Which is something he can’t rely on now. Some of his promos had recurring themes…calling Kevin Kelly “hermy”…wanting to know if the interviewer wanted The Rock’s strudel. Strudel…funny. Hancock…funny. Holy Moses? Not funny, because there’s not an immediate “Oh, he’s talking about a penis” connoctation. But, I digress…

    I like catch phrases. Juvenile humor can be good sometimes. Recurring themes are ok. But not the exact same promo for 4 weeks. That did not happen back then. That’s why when you do you Youtube search, or buy a The Rock DVD all the promos have different titles. The satellite promos in Boston were pretty damn funny…and maybe that’s where Rocky does his best work. Most of his promos back in the day were like that…not live. If that’s the case, they need to keep him doing that then and then have an in-ring confrontation with Cena later that night.

    What is good though, and it has always been good, is that something The Rock does that not many stars did before him was he really gets the crowd involved in his promos. That’s one thing that makes him different. So, at least he’s still doing that.

    But, he’s doing it as Dwayne Johnson and not The Rock. It is definitely the worst work of his wrestling career, in my opinion. I can’t believe I will actually be happy to see him gone. But, there it is.

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